Hopeful Struggles
If you subscribe to my newsletter The Weekly Rundown, you might have noticed my book recommendation for Atlas of the Heart by Brené Brown. If you haven’t already, I encourage you to begin engaging with Brené’s content. She is a prolific writer, speaker, and social scientist with an incredible ability to put language to truth that brings perspective and speaks directly to the soul. I found this nugget while reading her book; “Hope is a function of struggle.” Woah.
Sense of Scarcity
Many of us learned a sense of scarcity from our own lived experiences. When there was never enough food, clothes, time with parents, or a sense of belonging with peer groups, we learned not to trust in our worthiness. It follows then that we might seek to avoid the pain associated with those unmet needs and to prevent our children from the feeling of not having whatever it is they need or want. Check out Instagram children’s birthday party images for proof of just how over the top we are willing to go in this pursuit.
The fear of scarcity fuels a host of helicopter parenting behavior that ultimately harms our children more than it helps. When we intervene to protect hurt feelings or negative consequences, we deny our children their opportunity to learn from experiences. Brené says that hope is a function of struggle. People with the highest hopefulness have the knowledge that they can move through adversity, therefore when we take adversity away from our children, we diminish their capacity for hope. Yikes! The best intentions often meet unexpected ends.
Cheating Others
In one of my daily vlogs recently, I posited that we cheat others out of the opportunity to be better versions of themselves. In that particular context, it was about holding everyone in the room accountable to the shared values of the group. For example, if one person is not listening but instead spending all their time on the phone or is otherwise distracted, that person is obviously cheating the others in the room. But the harder task remains. The person or people who saw that behavior and failed to address it were cheating the offender out of the chance to improve and cheating themselves out of the chance to become better leaders and learn the art of healthy confrontation.
Just as helicopter parenting hurts our kids, ignoring poor behavior at work hurts everyone. In another vlog, I propose the value in these four words, “What do you think?” When an employee or direct report asks you a question, the easy thing is to answer it. Your years of experience mean you can quickly respond and move on to other things. But your real responsibility is to help that person grow. Ask clarifying questions, help them hone down to the real problem, then ask, “What do YOU think?” Teaching that team member how to talk through problems and arrive at their own decision empowers and fortifies them for the next challenge.
We are all made better by the struggle. It isn’t always easy, but it is the only way to truly grow your personal and professional relationships.
In what ways has struggle made you a more effective leader, partner, or parent? Share your stories with us!
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