Humanity

Through the Looking Glass

Mike Brewer · September 22, 2021 · Leave a Comment

Through the Looking Glass

In 2015 The Metropolitan Museum of Art was busy preparing for the Costume Institutes Spring Exhibit: “China: Through the Looking Glass”, a focus on Chinese imagery in art, film, and fashion. The annual Met Gala is known for its excess. Influential people with big smiles and bigger wallets clothed in couture gowns and designer suits are photographed and broadcast around the globe as attendees strive to outdo themselves and everyone else.

It takes months to put together each event. In the lead up to the 2015 gala every decision about the exhibit was parsed and examined. Where to put the vintage clothes on display? The artwork? Lighting? Seating? Guest List? Logistics? In the midst of this high dollar chaos, Wong Kar Wai, Exhibition Artistic Director for the MET, is quoted as saying, “Seeing too much is seeing nothing.” He’s not wrong.

I am certain that I will never attend the MET Gala, but we play out the theater of property management and leadership every day. Attended by an audience of thousands (of residents and team members), everything we do has significance. It’s not a stretch to say that poor performance in our industry is also photographed and broadcast worldwide.

I think it’s possible to get a little lost because we are seeing too much. Primarily, too much global information all the time. It’s distracting and not productive. We don’t see what’s right in front of us because the buzz, beep, and tune notifications call our attention away. In that moment of interruption lies the interrupted moments. We miss the chance to actually connect with our customers or to engage with our team members. We lose the opportunity to listen. I am not advocating that we force a cell phone bucket at the door policy and prohibit use of phones during the workday – that’s not practical for many reasons. But there are a couple of steps between everything and nothing that might serve us well.

The first one is easy and often causes alarm when I advocate for it, so brace yourself. Turn off all notifications. In every app. In a world addicted to Likes and Comments, this is a hard first step. It is also the most liberating. I find that people default to the worst-case scenario – but my child, my significant other, or parent might need me. But of the ten thousand clicks a day, how many are really for direct communication with your loved ones? Not shared memes or TikToks – but genuine, direct, person to person communication? Right. So – keep your phone. Turn off the notifications. Your loved ones can still leave a message or send a text. It’s possible that you may find that you lose some of the compulsion to check it every time you hear a buzz – because the buzz will be silenced.

The second step goes with the first. Set a calendar reminder to check your phone. Some of that anxiety related to FOMO can be assuaged by knowing you have an appointment to re-engage with your pocket tech. Take a few minutes, check on the family and even how many posts likes you have.

Then, set another calendar notification to put the phone back down. Seeing everything is seeing nothing.

What are your thoughts on this topic? We love to hear them so share your experiences below.

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Are You Making or Missing Connections

Mike Brewer · September 9, 2021 · 2 Comments

There was an intense storm last night and for a while, our electricity was out. Somewhere between our house and the big electric grid, the connection was interrupted. It also tripped a breaker in my house, a connection that thankfully I could restore. It caused me to think about the power of making and missing connections.

If you happen to flip through the free newspaper in a local coffee shop, you might come across the Missed Connections section. These small personal ads range from the modestly hopeful to the cringe-inducingly awful all because someone noticed an intriguing other but was too shy or too distracted to seize the opportunity and engage in the moment. Some other missed connections come to mind. Think – weather-delayed flights and impromptu sleepovers in an airport lounge or nearby hotel while you wait for another option and hopefully make it to wherever you were going in time.

I find the flipside of this topic more intriguing. The act of deliberately making connections. It is almost always within reach if you stretch beyond your comfort zone and get intentional about it. By definition, intentional is no more complicated than simply acting on purpose – being deliberate. Every day offers endless opportunities to make purposeful connections. Taking an extra beat to make the moment in front of you come alive with intention.

My recent Collective Conversations guest, Gary Gregory calls them transformational moments versus transactional ones. (His anecdote about his father washing the dishes is worth the listen alone!) Saying “Have a nice day” to the grocery clerk is often so rote that it loses its meaning. But stopping, calling them by name, and genuinely asking, “How are you? Thank you for the care you take in your work. I hope you have a good day.” It takes six seconds longer but acknowledges the human behind the task and hopefully leaves the clerk feeling seen and appreciated for their often thankless, or even invisible, work. The clerk spends hours of their life in our service. You have the power to deliberately engage with gratitude and recognition that the work matters.

Similarly, when our team members walk the property and engage with residents sincerely and deliberately, the benefits are hard to quantify but you can bet they are worth more than the time spent. When residents feel seen, heard, and appreciated, the payback comes in the form of reputation and retention. Phones down. Eyes up. There is a world of opportunities for connection just waiting for you to deliberately engage.

Leaders set the standard for connecting the dots. One of the biggest missed connections is in the failure to give the why behind the what. No involvement = no commitment. Giving out a list of to-dos or setting a stretch goal without fully explaining the purpose behind the request is a huge, missed opportunity. Team members work smarter and harder for an agenda they understand, contribute to, and believe in. Without purpose, work devolves into an uninspiring grind.

How much discretionary effort would you put into something that you didn’t believe in or understand? See what I mean? That is a missed connection that no business can afford, and it costs nothing but intentional action to fix.

What are your missed connections stories? I invite you to share them below.

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Agreeing to Agree

Mike Brewer · August 25, 2021 · Leave a Comment

Conflict is an inevitable part of the human experience. The term ‘agree to disagree’ is so common that it has become part of the lexicon. You can actually find its definition in Mirriam-Webster. Essentially, it boils down to – we are never going to come to an agreement on this topic so let’s move on. I propose that there may be a much more valuable resolution.

Agreeing to agree. It’s not quite as simple as it sounds, and it doesn’t require one party to ignore their inner core beliefs in deference to someone else. In fact – it is far from simple.

The practice of agreeing to agree starts well before the conflict. It begins with doing the work to develop deep relationships. Investing your most precious resource – your time – in the people around you. This goes well beyond the task list and gets to the work of learning to know each other as fully present and fallible humans. It is inevitable that you won’t see eye to eye on everything – not unlike the experiences you have with your family and loved ones.

You and someone you have spent hours developing a genuine relationship with will at some point experience deeply divided opinions. Call it – relationship dissonance. When that happens, it is easy to become entrenched as each person fights their corner, refusing to budge, convinced of the superiority of their position. Truthfully, that is often our default position – we are hard-wired that way. Temperatures rise, tempers can flare (or simmer) and you have the makings of a typical ‘agree to disagree’ situation just to keep the peace.

But deep relationships invite honest communication. Both people can share their true perspectives without watering them down. Then the agreeing to agree begins. We begin to ask ourselves some important questions. What is it that we really want? What do we agree is our goal? What do our perspectives have in common? What can we agree that we agree on?

The disagreement can be over anything – small to profound. There are countless topics we negotiate on any given day. But a small change of mindset from “winning the argument” to finding a path to “what do we agree on” is key to better outcomes and stronger relationships.

It is vital that we have people in our lives who challenge our opinions. Surrounding yourself with people who are afraid to tell you no or to offer an opposing view is a fast track to mediocrity. Engaging in respectful debate with people who are genuinely invested in your betterment pays dividends beyond just professional and personal success.

Developing deep relationships with honest communication is good for all of us.

I think we can agree on that.

2FA – Who We Say We Are

Mike Brewer · August 11, 2021 · Leave a Comment

As we approach the twentieth anniversary of 9/11, it is impossible to overstate one event’s changes in terms of security. Remember the days when you could meet a traveler at the gate? When there was no 3oz limit or quart size Ziploc bag as part of the airport process? Me, too.

The marriage of security and technology has upped the ante even further. Passwords, thumbprint, facial recognition – it all seems like we might be living in a rather mundane James Bond film – minus the Bond guy, of course. For every new layer of security, bad actors are seeking out ways to undermine them. Enter two-factor (2FA) or multi-factor (MFA) authentication methods. Designed to grant access to a website or application only after the user successfully presents two or more pieces of evidence (factors) to an authentication mechanism – proving that we are who we say we are. For example: Want to log in to your bank account? You will need your password, followed by a one-time code sent to your cell phone or email. This extra layer protects your info even if someone has managed to steal your password. Annoying? Sometimes. Necessary? Increasingly so.

Beyond technological security, two-factor authentication brings to my mind who we are as individuals and the unique work we produce. Every team member comes equipped with their specific knowledge, experience, and training coupled with their character, ambition, and commitment. As businesses, we are responsible for creating environments that support the people who offer their labor to pursue our business venture. These two authentication factors represent the self and the work. When these two factors are in alignment – when we as individuals and as organizations are who we say we are – then the result of our labor is a better outcome for our customers, partners, and each other.

We have a calling to ask the same question of ourselves as individuals and as leaders – Are we who we say we are?

I Met Ken Today

Mike Brewer · July 28, 2021 · Leave a Comment

Over the last several decades, Sesame Street laid the foundation on many topics for children and their grown-ups. The song “Who Are the People in Your Neighborhood?” is catchy enough that many parents probably know the words to the chorus off the top of their heads. It reminds us that the people in our neighborhood – the grocer, the doctor, fireman, postman, etc. – are the people we meet each day. But how often do we make an effort to greet and get to know those people in the background of our daily lives?

My morning routine is predictable and includes time for hydration, reflection, prayer, journaling, and exercise. I am a runner. Before covid, I ran on the treadmill at the gym. Now, I run around my neighborhood. I begin my run in the pre-dawn hours, so dark I can’t see the sidewalk beneath my feet. I greet the sunrise most days while putting in the reps that sharpen my focus and keep me feeling healthy and sane.

During my daily run, I noticed a man walking around our neighborhood 3-4 times a week, purposely, diligently, step by step, working his exercise plan. I took note of his features and saw that he carries with him a small bat tucked into the palm of his hand and ending at his elbow , and he wears a reflective vest, the kind that can be seen from far away in the headlight of any vehicle passing by at that time of day. I wondered if he carried the bat for personal protection.

Whenever I saw him, I lifted my hand in a small wave of acknowledgment. It buoyed my spirits to see him , and over time, my small gesture turned into a more significant two-handed wave. As I ran past him from behind, I called out, “On your left!” not wanting to startle him and hoping he heard my voice over whatever played on his earbuds. In my mind, I wrote a story about who he was and wondered if maybe we had more in common than a shared appreciation for exercise and greeting the daybreak.

Today, it was on my heart to introduce myself, and so I did. I said that I look forward to seeing him every day when I run. He asked me how many miles I run and told him, then he shared that he walks to work out his frustrations and to keep stress at bay. I told him how inspired I am by his dedication. We chatted a little longer and then went our separate ways.

Today, I met Ken!

I am thankful that I did. No longer a nameless stranger, Ken became more real to me today. Our interaction was just a few minutes long, but it was enough to turn two strangers into something a little bit more.

As we go about our daily lives, there are countless opportunities to engage with people more genuinely. I encourage you to go out and meet your Ken today.

Share your stories with us in the comments below!

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Humanity

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