self-esteem

Photo by Ben Sweet on Unsplash

It’s common to worry about what others think of us. We all want to be liked and accepted, and we often base our sense of self-worth on the opinions of others. However, the truth is that most people are too busy thinking about themselves to spend much time thinking about us. In this article, we’ll explore why this is the case and why it’s important to stop worrying about what others think of us.

First, let’s consider why we worry about what others think of us. For many of us, it’s rooted in a fear of rejection or criticism. We may worry that if others don’t like or approve of us, we won’t be accepted or loved. This fear can be particularly acute for those who struggle with low self-esteem or anxiety.

Another reason we worry about what others think of us is because we often base our sense of self-worth on external validation. We believe that if others like us, we must be likable; if they don’t, we must be unlikeable. We may also believe that if we can get others to like us, we will be happier and more successful.

However, the reality is that most people are too busy thinking about themselves to spend much time thinking about us. Think about it – when was the last time you spent significant time thinking about someone else’s appearance, behavior, or choices? Chances are, it’s been a while. We’re all wrapped up in our own lives, worries, and concerns, and we don’t have much mental bandwidth to spend on others.

This is not to say that people don’t notice or form opinions about us – of course, they do. However, those opinions are often fleeting and based on limited information. For example, someone may form an impression of us based on our appearance or a brief interaction with us. However, that impression is unlikely to be the basis for their ongoing thoughts or actions.

It’s also worth noting that people are more likely to focus on their thoughts and feelings than on others. In psychology, this is known as the “spotlight effect.” We tend to overestimate the extent to which others pay attention to us, and we underestimate the extent to which they focus on themselves. This means that even if someone does notice us or form an impression of us, it’s likely to be less significant to them than it is to us.

So, why is it important to stop worrying about what others think of us? Firstly, it’s not healthy to base our self-worth on external validation. When we do so, we give others power over our sense of self, and we’re constantly at risk of feeling rejected or inadequate. This can lead to anxiety, depression, and other mental health issues.

Secondly, when we worry too much about what others think of us, we may hold ourselves back from pursuing our goals and dreams. We may avoid taking risks or trying new things because we’re afraid of looking foolish or being judged by others. This can prevent us from reaching our full potential and living a fulfilling life.

Finally, when we focus too much on what others think of us, we may become overly self-conscious and miss out on the present moment. We may be so focused on how we appear to others that we’re not fully present in our own lives. This can prevent us from enjoying our experiences and connecting with others on a deeper level.

So, how can we stop worrying about what others think of us? Here are a few strategies to try:

1. Practice self-compassion. Instead of judging yourself for worrying about what others think, practice self-compassion. Acknowledge this is a common human tendency, and be kind to yourself as you work to let go of it.
2. Challenge your thoughts. When you find yourself worrying about what others think, challenge those thoughts. Ask yourself if they’re based on reality or just stories you tell yourself. Remember that most people are too busy thinking about themselves to spend much time thinking about you.
3. Focus on your values. Instead of worrying about what others think, focus on your values and what’s important to you. Make decisions based on what aligns with your values rather than what you think will make others like you.
4. Practice mindfulness. Mindfulness can help us become more present at the moment and less self-conscious. Try practicing mindfulness meditation, or take a few deep breaths and focus on your senses when you feel self-conscious.
5. Surround yourself with supportive people. Surround yourself with people who accept and support you rather than those who judge or criticize you. A strong support system makes you less likely to worry about what others think of you.