Search Results for: empathetic
Measuring a Person by the Size of Their Heart: The True Essence of Success
Photo by DESIGNECOLOGIST on Unsplash
It can be easy to lose sight of what truly matters in a world that constantly measures success by wealth, power, and social status. Tom Peters, a renowned business thinker and author invites us to reevaluate our priorities by reminding us that the essence of a person’s worth lies in the size of their heart. We can experience deeper connections, purpose, and true success by cultivating empathy, compassion, and emotional intelligence.
Tom Peters has long championed that the human element is key to success in business and life. As he puts it, “People are not a ‘soft’ issue; they are the issue.” In essence, the size of one’s heart, or the depth of emotional intelligence, is a powerful predictor of personal growth and success.
Empathy, the ability to understand and share the feelings of others, is a vital component of emotional intelligence. It enables us to form meaningful relationships, foster collaboration, and create a supportive environment. By putting ourselves in another’s shoes, we can better appreciate their perspective, needs, and emotions. This understanding can improve communication, foster stronger bonds, and create a more harmonious and productive workplace or home life.
Compassion goes hand-in-hand with empathy, urging us to take action when we witness others in need. A compassionate person not only recognizes the suffering of others but feels compelled to alleviate it. By extending kindness and support, we create positive energy that can transform lives and ultimately contribute to a more caring and inclusive society.
Benefits of a Healthy Heart
The benefits of cultivating a large heart extend far beyond our immediate circle. When we are empathetic and compassionate, we are more likely to lead purposefully and pursue goals that resonate with our core values. This alignment of values and actions can bring satisfaction, contentment, and lasting success.
How to Build a Healthy Heart
So, how can we go about enlarging our hearts? First, we must practice active listening, paying full attention to others, and seeking to understand their point of view without judgment. We can also work on developing our emotional vocabulary, as the ability to accurately identify and express our feelings will enable us to connect with others on a deeper level.
Furthermore, we can engage in self-reflection, considering our actions and their impact on others, and practice mindfulness to stay present and attuned to the emotions of those around us. By cultivating a greater understanding of ourselves and others, we can foster an environment of trust, respect, and collaboration.
In sum, measuring a person by the size of their heart may seem abstract, but its implications are profound. Tom Peters reminds us that a large heart – empathetic, compassionate, and emotionally intelligent – is the key to personal growth, meaningful relationships, and true success. By shifting our focus from material wealth to the development of our emotional intelligence, we can create a world where everyone has the opportunity to thrive and find their unique path to success.
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The Importance of Setting Boundaries
Photo by Andy T on Unsplash
I feel compelled to share an item of note here; this will be one of the most challenging habits for you to create, especially if you are an empath. We all have a to-do list for the day, whether written down or just in our heads. And while it’s essential to be productive and get things done, it’s equally important to set boundaries and learn when to say “no.”
Many of us tend to take on too much, whether at work, in our personal lives, or even in our relationships. We want to please others, we want to be helpful, and we don’t want to disappoint. But this can lead to burnout, stress, and resentment.
It’s important to remember that other people’s requests are not your to-do list. You have the right to prioritize your own needs and wants. Saying “no” does not make you a bad person; it makes you responsible and assertive.
One of the most challenging parts of setting boundaries is learning to communicate them effectively. It’s essential to be honest and direct while being respectful and empathetic. You can say something like, “I appreciate the offer or request, but I’m not able to take on any more projects.” or “I’m sorry, but I’m not able to take on more.” And, stop short of saying, “at this time.’ This implies that you will have time in the future, and the person requesting will revise the ask to fit your time. Let your no mean no.
When you set boundaries, you communicate that you respect yourself and your time. This can lead to more trust and mutual respect in your relationships. Learning to say “no” can also help improve your relationships.
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LISTEN
This true story below shared by Sharon Cauthen.
“A single mother recently fell ill and went to Urgent Care with a sore throat, headache, and a fever of 101.5 degrees. The busy doctor ran covid & flu tests (both negative), looked at her throat, and said, “Your throat looks fine so that’s not bothering you, right?” The patient replied, “Yes. It is very painful, so much so that swallowing is difficult. It’s why I came in.” The doctor sent her home with instructions to take Tylenol for the fever.
After a very pain-filled night, she felt much worse. So much so that driving felt almost impossible, so she tried her tele-med option. That doctor said, “I’m sorry but I can’t see your throat well enough to make a diagnosis. Call back if you need anything else.” and the call ended. Again, she crawled into bed feeling defeated – in tears and in pain – not sure what to do next.
Later that day, she went back to the same Urgent Care. She could barely sit up and curled into the fetal position on the exam table. A different and very kind doctor took one look at her, listened to her story, and said, “I can see that you are very sick and in obvious pain and we are going to figure it out and help you get better.” Tears streamed down her fever-reddened face. A positive strep test, a steroid shot, and a strong antibiotic later — She started the road to recovery. But before the shot and antibiotics ever entered her body, she could feel the relief of having been heard – at last.”
It is not my goal that this conversation devolves into a healthcare system argument. Because this isn’t about politics, insurance, access to healthcare, or over-capacity medical staff. Those are important topics for another day. At its core, this story represents a simple failure to listen.
Over the last several years (and in all its iterations), the Multifamily Collective has been ringing the bell on the topic of human-centricity. The need to see, hear and understand the people who work with us. Team members are people first with all the multifaceted needs that come with the species. If you live and breathe a human-centric culture, you will inevitably experience a team member exhibiting the hallmarks of distress.
The thing that people in pain, be it emotional or physical, need more than anything is for someone to listen and validate that what they are experiencing is real and acknowledge that it is hard. Being an empathetic listener is key to helping someone feel heard.
The ability to listen is a superpower that each of us can improve with dedicated practice.
I encourage you to do the work and to develop your skills in how you engage in empathetic listening – not just hearing but truly seeking to understand. I am guilty, too, of being distracted by a full calendar and other pressing issues but how I engage with a person in distress in front of me is one of the most important measures of my humanity and my leadership.
Do you have tips that help you remember to listen intently with compassion before offering a response? Please share them with us!
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Photo by Priscilla Du Preez on Unsplash
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Just Shut Up
Just Shut UP
Mark Twain was a man of many (often acerbic) words. One of Twain’s quotes that resonates for me today is, “Never miss an opportunity to shut up.” It is hard to overstate how important those seven words are to the success of people in leadership positions and to the business outcomes for an organization.
18 Seconds…
Too often, leaders are great at pontificating and speech-making but absolutely awful at listening. In Tom Peter’s book; Excellence Now: Extreme Humanism, he cites a startling statistic: on average, doctors interrupt patients after just 18 seconds, cutting them off – a wound made worse by its frequency.
I don’t think it is too much of a stretch to acknowledge that this same leadership behavior occurs across our industry as well. These doctors and business leaders typically have packed schedules and big demands on their time and therefore feel justified in moving the conversation along to a rapid end. “I don’t have time for a long-winded conversation…” On the one hand, that position is understandable. But, on the other, time invested in intentional listening pays unexpected dividends in psychological safety, feelings of compassion, and trust.
Listening is hard work. Reflecting back to my thoughts on this topic in a prior post, hearing and listening are two different things. Intentional empathetic listening is one of the most powerful tools in the leader’s arsenal.
Listen with Intention…
I encourage you to develop your active listening skills. Engage with others with intention. Listen carefully for what is said, what is unsaid, and to the body language of the speaker. When you do speak, use the time to reflect back and confirm what was said. Ask questions that probe for more information. Resist the urge to give a quick answer to “solve the problem” because those rapid responses may move the conversation to a premature end and worse, they send a message to the speaker that your primary motive is to shut them up. The fallout is a disillusioned employee who learns not to raise their hand or speak out, and whose belief in the culture of the company is damaged.
It takes less time than you think to engage in empathetic listening. One study showed that doctors of oncology, whose practices are filled with patients engaged in the fight of their lives against cancer, spent just 33 seconds directly engaged in compassion and empathy with their patients. Those doctors and patients had better relationships. The patients felt heard and their struggle validated. It didn’t require an extraordinary investment of time on the doctor’s part – just over half a minute – to ensure the patient’s safety and trust in the relationship. Patients who feel safe and heard are more likely to share sensitive information which is crucial to better outcomes.
The same is true in the multifamily space. Imagine the benefits for those leaders who actively make time and space to genuinely listen.
Shared Humanity…
Ultimately, connecting through active empathetic intentional listening comes down to recognizing the humanity of the person in front of you. When you acknowledge that each of us share the familiar burdens of life, of love, of loss, and more, then the things we have in common become far greater than the things that separate us. Much of what separates people is artificial – it’s man-made. When you embrace the truth of our shared humanity, listening becomes less of a burden and more of a gift.
Do you have just 2-3 minutes to build relationship? The time it takes you to walk down the hall and catch the elevator? Even that span of time is enough to send the message, “You are important to me, and I want to hear what you have to say.”
Everyone needs to feel heard. If you don’t take the time to build relationships through active listening, then the quality of your connectedness will degrade. It should come with little surprise then when your trusted employee decides to go somewhere else to be heard.
I know this to be true. When others have something on their minds/hearts to share, then my job is to just shut up and listen.
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Stay Curious, Be Kind & Listen Well
TheHamilton Mausoleum is located in Hamilton, South Lanarkshire, Scotland. It was the resting place of the family of the Dukes of Hamilton. A place of ethereal beauty, its massive dome and high stone once held the record for the longest echo within any man-made structure in the world, taking 15 seconds for the sound of a slammed door to fade. The record was broken in 2014 at the somewhat less notable Inchindown oil storage tanks in the Scottish Highlands when an official fired a pistol blank inside one of the tanks and the sound reverberated for 112 seconds!
Fascinating! But neither of these historic echo chambers holds a candle to the ones we find ourselves trapped in these days. Contemporarily speaking, an echo chamber is defined as an environment in which a person encounters only beliefs or opinions that coincide with their own so their existing views are reinforced, and alternative ideas are not considered. Google any current hot topic – religion, politics, climate change, or social justice and in the blink of an algorithm you are likely to find yourself in the company of people with like-minded views without any particular effort on your part – thereby reinforcing the rightness of your opinions.
How does that affect your relationships at work? When you hire, coach, mentor, discipline, and even exit employees? Without serious effort, it is possible, even probable, that you may find yourself more drawn to people who are aligned with your personal worldviews and somewhat distrustful of those who aren’t.
As businesses work to intentionally attract and retain a more diverse and inclusive workforce, it is essential that we examine the pitfalls inherent in our personal biases.
Genuine curiosity is key. Encouraging curiosity across the workplace often results in more creativity and better business outcomes. Curiosity is also associated with less defensive reactions to stress. It can encourage people to understand each other’s perspectives and to take an interest in other’s ideas. Try this – when engaging in conversation, don’t come with a list of points you want to make but rather with things you want to learn.
In such divisive times as these when the work of inclusion is more important than ever, healing begins with empathetic listening. Listening – deeply listening – is a vastly underrated life and leadership skill. Listening is hard work, made harder still in a world where our attention is fractured by constantly competing demands. Like any skill, it can be learned and improved upon with practice.
I close with something wise that Bryant McGill had to say on both these topics:
“Curiosity is one of the great secrets of happiness.” and “One of the most sincere forms of respect is actually listening to what another has to say.”