personal development
Resilience Through Adversity: Why Challenges Make Us Stronger

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In life, we often face challenges that test our patience, determination, and willpower. From personal losses to professional setbacks, each trial presents an opportunity. Friedrich Nietzsche once said, “What does not kill me makes me stronger.” This isn’t just a philosophical statement; it’s a testament to human resilience and growth.
Adversities, while uncomfortable, push us beyond our limits. Like a muscle that becomes stronger with exercise, our mental and emotional capacities grow when faced with difficulties. Do the reps, and the muscle will grow. Research in psychology even suggests that experiencing moderate stress levels can boost resilience and cognitive function.
Consider the pearl inside an oyster. It forms as a response to an irritant, a tiny grain of sand. Over time, the oyster reacts to this foreign object in a beautiful, lustrous pearl. Much like the oyster, we, too, transform adversities into assets. With every challenge, we gain experience, wisdom, and strength.
Furthermore, setbacks teach us empathy and compassion. Having faced hardships, we are better equipped to understand and support others in their moments of crisis. In this manner, adversities are not just individual experiences but collective lessons that bind us together in understanding and camaraderie.
This doesn’t mean we should actively seek out challenges or refuse support when offered. Instead, it’s about acknowledging that we have the inherent capacity to evolve and come out stronger when life throws curveballs.
So, remember Nietzsche’s words the next time you’re faced with a challenge. See it not as an obstacle but as an opportunity, for we truly realize our potential through facing our challenges head-on.
What We Attend To Controls Our Behavior

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The statement “what we attend to controls our behavior” underscores the influential role of attention in shaping our actions, decisions, and even our identity. In an era replete with stimuli – from buzzing smartphones to ubiquitous advertisements – it’s more crucial than ever to understand how the direction of our attention impacts our behavior. It brings to mind Viktor Frankl’s famous quote, “Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”
Let’s dig into the deeper meaning of the statement and Mr. Frankl’s quote.
1. The Neuroscience of Attention
To appreciate the statement, beginning at the neurological level is vital. The brain is a processing powerhouse, constantly inundated with information from our surroundings. However, it cannot process all the stimuli in our environment equally. Attention serves as a spotlight, highlighting certain information for deeper processing while relegating others to the background. The prefrontal cortex, often regarded as the command center, is pivotal in guiding this spotlight. Once a particular stimulus is given prominence through attention, it becomes integrated into our thought processes, emotions, and decision-making mechanisms. By choosing where to focus, we determine which inputs will influence our subsequent behaviors. Choose wisely. Be intentional.
2. Habit Formation and Reinforcement
What we repeatedly attend to can become a habitual pattern. For instance, if individuals consistently pay attention to negative news, they might develop a pessimistic worldview over time. This pattern, once entrenched, drives behaviors aligned with that mindset, such as avoiding new experiences or constantly expecting the worst outcomes. The brain’s reward system reinforces such behavioral outcomes. Dopamine, a neurotransmitter linked with pleasure and reward, strengthens neural pathways associated with habits. Thus, the more we attend to certain stimuli, the more our brain reinforces the behavior associated with it.
3. The Role of Modern Technology
Understanding the link between attention and behavior is even more pertinent in the digital age. Technology companies often employ attention engineers who utilize principles from psychology to design apps and platforms that captivate users. Think: The Social Dilemma. By understanding what draws our attention, these platforms can guide our behavior, sometimes leading us to spend hours scrolling through feeds or watching videos. This impacts how we allocate our time and shapes our beliefs, values, and perceptions, as the content we attend to can influence our worldview.
4. Emotional Regulation and Focus
Emotions play a profound role in guiding behavior. The stimuli we attend to can dictate our emotional responses. Focusing on the challenges and setbacks they encounter makes them more likely to experience feelings of frustration, sadness, or anxiety. Conversely, directing attention towards positive aspects, such as achievements or moments of joy, fosters positive emotions. Over time, this pattern of attention can influence behavior, promoting resilience and a proactive attitude in the face of adversity.
5. The Power of Mindfulness
Recognizing the nexus between attention and behavior has also led to the popularizing of practices like mindfulness. Mindfulness teaches individuals to control their attention, anchoring it to the present moment. By consciously directing focus, one can break free from detrimental cycles of behavior. For instance, someone struggling with anxiety might learn to shift their attention away from ruminative thoughts, leading to better emotional regulation and healthier behavioral responses.
6. Implications for Personal Development
At a personal level, understanding that “what we attend to controls our behavior” can be empowering. It suggests that curating the content and experiences we focus on can drive positive change in our lives. Whether engaging with uplifting content, seeking environments that promote growth, or practicing techniques to guide our attention, there’s a wealth of opportunity to harness this principle for personal development.
To sum this up, the adage “what we attend to controls our behavior” encapsulates a profound truth about the human experience. Our attention is a filter, shaping our perceptions, emotions, and decisions. In the present day, with its plethora of distractions, it’s essential to recognize the potency of our focus and strive to direct it wisely. Only then can we ensure that our behaviors align with our aspirations and values.
Virginia Love | Collective Conversations
Release Date: 08.08.2023
In this episode, Mike Brewer sits down with Virginia Love – Industry Principle at Entrata. Virginia is a highly respected expert in the multifamily industry with a long history in multifamily leasing, marketing, and operations. She is a champion of the people in our industry and has a deep understanding of the ways that technology impacts the front-line teams and believes that it is our responsibility to elevate the role our team members play in the success of our industry.
Key Discussion Points:
- Lasting impact of the pandemic: The pandemic shed attention on the importance of the site teams and led to the current focus on them as the drivers of performance and doing what is right for the site teams, recognizing the need to reconsider appropriate wage levels. The pandemic accelerated the pace and adoption of technology and forced companies that were sitting on the sidelines to engage with virtual tours, self-guided tours, and more.
- Culture Matters: Entrata is a technology company that actively engages its customers in the Entrata culture – so much so that they become invested in the Entrata brand.
- Economic Inclusion: For decades, the only impact for residents who paid their rent on time was not incurring late fees and being sent to collections. Entrata offers a program that reports resident payment history to the major consumer credit reporting agencies. Giving renters the ability to build their credit by simply paying their rent is a significant economic empowerment tool.
- The Value of Yes – Advice if you desire to grow your multifamily career: Get involved. Make Yourself Indispensable. Do whatever other people don’t want to. Get active in your Apartment Association, IREM, or NMHC. Take every opportunity to learn and don’t wait for someone to teach you. There are countless ways to build your knowledge so take charge of your education and growth.
In between the non-stop camaraderie and laughter, Mike and Virginia share practical tips and advice based on their extensive knowledge and expertise in the multifamily industry.
Whether you’re a seasoned investor, property manager, vendor/supplier, or someone interested in learning more about the multifamily market, this series offers valuable insights that can help you navigate the challenges and seize the opportunities in this dynamic industry.
About Mike Brewer
Mike Brewer is enthusiastic about people, technology, and the world of multifamily. He serves as President of RADCO Residential and COO of The RADCO Companies. As the Founder of Multifamily Collective, Mike draws on his deep understanding of the multifamily space and is passionate about sharing insights and wisdom through a series of Collective Conversations with others in this industry. This podcast creates a platform for industry professionals to connect, learn, and grow together.
About Virginia Love
Virginia Love, Industry Principal at Entrata is directly involved with marketing, product and sales as a liaison from the multifamily industry to these departments. Before joining Entrata, she held prominent leadership roles for apartment owners and operators such as Trammell Crow and ING Clarion. Immediately prior to coming to Entrata, she was Vice President of Leasing and Marketing for Waterton Residential. With nearly three decades of industry experience, Virginia has served on numerous multifamily committees and boards for industry organizations including the Atlanta Apartment Association, Georgia Apartment Association, National Apartment Association, National Multifamily Housing Council and Zillow Multifamily Advisory Board. Love served as the 2018 Chairperson of the Georgia Apartment Association and the 2011 Chairperson of the Atlanta Apartment Association. Virginia is a National Apartment Association Lyceum graduate. In 2021, she was named a Multifamily Influencer by GlobeSt. Real Estate Forum and was honored by Connect CRE’s Women in Real Estate Awards for 2022. Virginia is also a part of the Apartment All Stars.
Additional Resources:
Some of the world’s largest owners and operators use Entrata’s vast suite of products to manage their entire portfolios using one operating system. Multifamily, Student, Affordable, Military, or Commercial – Entrata has the technology solutions to meet your needs. www.entrata.com
Sponsorship Info:
This episode is sponsored by: Updater
Updater is the app that gets residents move-in ready faster. Did you know that residents who are happy with their move-in experience are 59% more likely to renew their lease? Move-ins matter. Get them right with Updater. Visit go.updater.com/mike, and as a special gift to our listeners, Updater is offering a special gift when you book a demo.
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Disclaimer:
The views and opinions expressed in this podcast are solely those of the individuals involved and do not necessarily reflect the official policy or position of MultifamilyCollective or any other organization mentioned during the episode. The podcast is for informational purposes only and should not be considered professional or legal advice. Always consult a qualified professional or your organizational leadership before making strategic, professional, financial, or investment decisions.
The Power of Pen in Leadership: Debunking the Myth of ‘I Don’t Need to Write This Down
Unlocking Potential and Enhancing Productivity with a Simple Tool: Pen and Paper

Photo by David Travis on Unsplash
Summary
As multifamily leaders, we often pride ourselves on our abilities to retain and manage an array of information. There’s a prevalent belief among many that our minds are infallible repositories capable of storing and recalling every detail exactly when needed. Today, we dispel the biggest lie in personal development: “I don’t need to write this down.” We’ll explore why recording your thoughts, plans, and ideas can significantly enhance your leadership skills and overall productivity, promoting tremendous success in the multifamily industry.
Problem
The pace of the multifamily industry can be intense, with a constant barrage of things, responsibilities, and decisions that need to be made. This can easily lead to information overload, causing important details to slip through the cracks. The belief that one can remember all crucial points without external aid can result in missed opportunities, flawed decision-making, and stagnation in personal and organizational growth. This underestimation of the utility of written records reflects a larger issue – the undervaluation of systematic approaches in leadership development.
Solutions
Addressing this fallacy starts with acknowledging our cognitive limitations and appreciating the value of recording information. Writing things down doesn’t signify weakness or incapacity. Instead, it’s a strategic tool that enhances memory, fosters clearer thinking, and provides a tangible record for future reference. It’s about creating a reliable external memory system to aid your internal one.
Writing down your thoughts, ideas, and plans can enhance creativity and enable more effective problem-solving. It allows for the visualization of concepts, fostering a deeper understanding and enabling connections that may not have been apparent otherwise. This translates into better strategies, innovative solutions, and improved business performance.
Moreover, maintaining written records encourages transparency and accountability in leadership. It is a detailed documentation of commitments, promoting a culture of responsibility within the organization. It can also provide valuable insights when reviewing past decisions, offering learning opportunities for continuous improvement.
Unlocking Personal and Professional Growth: The Power of Inner Child

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Inner child work is a therapeutic approach that involves exploring and healing childhood wounds, traumas, and unmet needs. It is a powerful tool that can help individuals to reconnect with their authentic selves, build resilience, and enhance their personal and professional development. It’s hard work and is often ignored in our quest to become leaders in the multifamily space and life.
Let’s explore how inner child work can be applied in a professional development context. And know this; it’s work worth doing.
- Building self-awareness and emotional intelligence
Inner child work involves exploring and processing suppressed or ignored emotions in childhood. By doing so, individuals can better understand their emotional landscape and develop greater emotional intelligence. This can be particularly helpful in a professional context where individuals must navigate complex relationships, manage conflicts, and make sound decisions. By being more in tune with their emotions, individuals can make better choices and communicate more effectively with others.
- Enhancing Creativity and Innovation
The inner child represents a person’s playful, curious, and imaginative side. Individuals can tap into their creativity and innovation by reconnecting with this aspect of themselves. This can be particularly helpful in professions requiring individuals to develop new ideas, approaches, and solutions. By accessing their inner child, individuals can generate fresh perspectives and insights leading to breakthroughs and innovation.
- Developing resilience and coping skills
Childhood traumas and wounds can impact individuals and affect their ability to cope with stress, setbacks, and challenges. Inner child work can help individuals to heal these wounds and develop resilience and coping skills. By doing so, individuals can better handle difficult situations, bounce back from failures, and persevere in adversity.
- Building healthy relationships
Childhood wounds and traumas can affect how individuals form and maintain relationships. By exploring and healing these wounds, individuals can improve their ability to connect with others healthfully and meaningfully. This can be particularly helpful in a professional context where relationships are essential for success. Individuals can enhance their communication, collaboration, and teamwork skills by building healthy relationships.
To summarize, inner child work can be a powerful personal and professional development tool. Individuals can build self-awareness, emotional intelligence, creativity, resilience, coping skills, and healthy relationships by exploring and healing childhood wounds. To explore inner child work, consider working with a trained therapist or coach who can guide you.