I’ve discovered something that might change your life. Self-talk, the dialogue that runs through our minds, holds a transformative power over our emotions, decisions, and, ultimately, our destinies.
Self-talk is a crucial tool for personal development, yet we often overlook its impact. I’m here to steal your attention momentarily and guide you through a step-by-step journey to mastering self-talk."You're your own biggest influencer because nobody chats with you more than you chat with yourself." – Mike Brewer Click To Tweet
Harnessing the power of positive self-talk can pivot us from self-doubt to confidence and action.
Each thought we nurture shapes our perception, influencing our actions and reactions.
By consciously shifting our internal dialogue from critical to supportive, we cultivate a mindset that empowers us to overcome challenges and capture opportunities.
Imagine the potential of your mind once you align it with your aspirations.
The journey to mastering self-talk is an invitation to dialogue with your deepest self, to uncover and dismantle limiting beliefs, and to script a narrative of success and resilience.
Let this be your guide to transforming how you talk to yourself and how you live your life.
#SelfTalk #PersonalDevelopment #MindsetShift #PositiveVibes #Empowerment #SuccessMindset #Resilience #OvercomeChallenges #TransformYourLife
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The statement “what we attend to controls our behavior” underscores the influential role of attention in shaping our actions, decisions, and even our identity. In an era replete with stimuli – from buzzing smartphones to ubiquitous advertisements – it’s more crucial than ever to understand how the direction of our attention impacts our behavior. It brings to mind Viktor Frankl’s famous quote, “Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”
Let’s dig into the deeper meaning of the statement and Mr. Frankl’s quote.
1. The Neuroscience of Attention
To appreciate the statement, beginning at the neurological level is vital. The brain is a processing powerhouse, constantly inundated with information from our surroundings. However, it cannot process all the stimuli in our environment equally. Attention serves as a spotlight, highlighting certain information for deeper processing while relegating others to the background. The prefrontal cortex, often regarded as the command center, is pivotal in guiding this spotlight. Once a particular stimulus is given prominence through attention, it becomes integrated into our thought processes, emotions, and decision-making mechanisms. By choosing where to focus, we determine which inputs will influence our subsequent behaviors. Choose wisely. Be intentional.
2. Habit Formation and Reinforcement
What we repeatedly attend to can become a habitual pattern. For instance, if individuals consistently pay attention to negative news, they might develop a pessimistic worldview over time. This pattern, once entrenched, drives behaviors aligned with that mindset, such as avoiding new experiences or constantly expecting the worst outcomes. The brain’s reward system reinforces such behavioral outcomes. Dopamine, a neurotransmitter linked with pleasure and reward, strengthens neural pathways associated with habits. Thus, the more we attend to certain stimuli, the more our brain reinforces the behavior associated with it.
3. The Role of Modern Technology
Understanding the link between attention and behavior is even more pertinent in the digital age. Technology companies often employ attention engineers who utilize principles from psychology to design apps and platforms that captivate users. Think: The Social Dilemma. By understanding what draws our attention, these platforms can guide our behavior, sometimes leading us to spend hours scrolling through feeds or watching videos. This impacts how we allocate our time and shapes our beliefs, values, and perceptions, as the content we attend to can influence our worldview.
4. Emotional Regulation and Focus
Emotions play a profound role in guiding behavior. The stimuli we attend to can dictate our emotional responses. Focusing on the challenges and setbacks they encounter makes them more likely to experience feelings of frustration, sadness, or anxiety. Conversely, directing attention towards positive aspects, such as achievements or moments of joy, fosters positive emotions. Over time, this pattern of attention can influence behavior, promoting resilience and a proactive attitude in the face of adversity.
5. The Power of Mindfulness
Recognizing the nexus between attention and behavior has also led to the popularizing of practices like mindfulness. Mindfulness teaches individuals to control their attention, anchoring it to the present moment. By consciously directing focus, one can break free from detrimental cycles of behavior. For instance, someone struggling with anxiety might learn to shift their attention away from ruminative thoughts, leading to better emotional regulation and healthier behavioral responses.
6. Implications for Personal Development
At a personal level, understanding that “what we attend to controls our behavior” can be empowering. It suggests that curating the content and experiences we focus on can drive positive change in our lives. Whether engaging with uplifting content, seeking environments that promote growth, or practicing techniques to guide our attention, there’s a wealth of opportunity to harness this principle for personal development.
To sum this up, the adage “what we attend to controls our behavior” encapsulates a profound truth about the human experience. Our attention is a filter, shaping our perceptions, emotions, and decisions. In the present day, with its plethora of distractions, it’s essential to recognize the potency of our focus and strive to direct it wisely. Only then can we ensure that our behaviors align with our aspirations and values.
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Emotional validation refers to acknowledging and accepting someone’s emotions as valid and understandable.
It is a powerful tool that can benefit both the individual expressing their emotions and the person providing validation. Let’s explore some of the benefits of emotional validation.
- Builds Trust and Connection
When someone feels emotionally validated, they are more likely to trust and feel connected to the person providing validation. Validation sends the message that their feelings matter and that they are understood. This can create a sense of psychological safety, leading to stronger relationships and deeper connections.
- Reduces Stress and Anxiety
When we feel validated, our stress and anxiety levels decrease. This is because emotional validation helps us feel heard and understood, significantly relieving us when we struggle with difficult emotions. When we feel validated, we are better able to regulate our emotions and cope with stressors in a healthy way.
- Promotes Emotional Awareness and Acceptance
Emotional validation encourages us to acknowledge and accept our emotions, even if they are uncomfortable or difficult. This can be a crucial step in emotional regulation and growth. By validating our emotions, we can learn to recognize and accept them rather than trying to suppress or ignore them. This leads to greater emotional awareness and a more authentic sense of self.
- Encourages Communication and Problem Solving
Feeling validated makes us more likely to communicate openly and honestly with others. This can lead to more effective problem-solving and conflict resolution. By validating each other’s emotions, we can work together to find solutions that work for everyone rather than becoming defensive or argumentative.
- Improves Mental Health and Well-being
Emotional validation can have significant benefits for our mental health and well-being. By acknowledging and accepting our emotions, we can reduce the negative impact of stress and anxiety on our mental health. Additionally, by building connections with others through emotional validation, we can improve our social support networks and increase our resilience in difficult times.
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Emotions are an integral part of the human experience, shaping how we perceive the world around us and influencing our choices. They are powerful forces that drive our actions and reactions, often without realizing it. In this time, we will explore the role feelings play in our behavior and how self-awareness and emotional intelligence can help us harness the power of emotions to improve our personal and professional lives.
First, let’s define what emotions are. Emotions are complex psychological states involving thoughts, physical sensations, and behavioral responses. Various internal and external factors, such as thoughts, memories, or external stimuli, trigger them. Emotions can be categorized into positive (e.g., happiness, excitement) and negative (e.g., sadness, anger) emotions, each serving different functions and influencing our behavior differently.
Emotions act as key drivers in our decision-making processes. Neuroscience research has shown that emotions play a significant role in decision-making, and individuals with damage to the emotional centers of their brain struggle with making decisions, even simple ones. Our emotions often serve as a quick and efficient way to evaluate situations and guide our actions.
For instance, fear can help us avoid danger, while happiness can motivate us to pursue activities that bring us joy. When we experience strong emotions, our brains release chemicals such as dopamine, serotonin, and cortisol, which can directly impact our motivation and subsequent actions.
However, emotions can also lead us astray, causing us to make impulsive decisions or engage in destructive behaviors. For example, anger can lead to aggressive behavior or cloud our judgment, while sadness can result in feelings of helplessness or inaction.
To harness the power of emotions and ensure they serve us well, it’s essential to develop self-awareness and emotional intelligence. Self-awareness involves being conscious of our emotions, understanding their triggers, and recognizing how they influence our thoughts and actions. Emotional intelligence refers to the ability to perceive, understand, and manage not only our own emotions but also the emotions of others.
Here are some strategies to help you develop self-awareness and emotional intelligence:
- Practice mindfulness: Pay attention to your thoughts, feelings, and bodily sensations without judgment. This can help you identify patterns in your emotional responses and better understand your emotional triggers. I use Sam Harris’ Waking Up app for my daily practice.
- Reflect on your emotions: Journaling or discussing your feelings with a trusted friend or therapist can help you gain insights into your emotional landscape. Code & Quill is my go to notebook for journaling.
- Develop empathy: Put yourself in others’ shoes and try to understand their emotions and perspectives. This will not only help you manage your own emotions better but also improve your interpersonal relationships.
- Learn emotional regulation techniques: These can include deep breathing, meditation, or cognitive reframing, which help you manage intense emotions and respond in a more constructive manner.
- Seek professional help: If you struggle with emotional management, consider working with a mental health professional who can provide guidance and support. Professional counselors are worth every dime.
Handling emotionally loaded situations is a true art form. How many of you have faced talking a customer down from the ledge of – ‘you are getting a piece of my mind?’ How many of those conversations included personal attacks targeted at you or one of your apartment service team members. How many of those comments – right, wrong or indifferent – did you deserve but still stung to the point of escalating your own emotions? How many of you have called the police to get that resident out of the office? How many of you felt all-powerful once that person did leave? How many of you had an emotional crash after an emotionally loaded conversation? How many felt remorse? How many felt vindicated?
You’ve heard of fight or flight. You know that in an emotionally loaded situation you are pre-programmed to stand up and fight or run away. You are not pre-programmed for reasoning. At least not as far as I see it. Reasoning takes work. It takes time. It takes concession. It takes wherewithal. It takes patience. And it’s normal.
If a flight situation your first order is to run for the hills. Today we focus on the fight.
In a fight (emotionally loaded) situation your first order of business is to teach someone a lesson. You broke your lease so you owe the money – look here at your lease that I’ve highlighted in a nice bright pink color and underlined (for emphasis) three times in red. You owe it. Or, your company is causing all kinds of noise issues after hours – look here at this section of the lease. And so on and so forth. You are out to teach a lesson.
Guess what – in a fight they’re not going to learn the lesson. Not by your method of teaching. Not in this lifetime.
What Do You Do Instead?
It’s the doormat versus the artist conversation.
And I am anxious to hear your position…
Your always interested in the human behavior piece of our business multifamily maniac,