Are You Making or Missing Connections
There was an intense storm last night and for a while, our electricity was out. Somewhere between our house and the big electric grid, the connection was interrupted. It also tripped a breaker in my house, a connection that thankfully I could restore. It caused me to think about the power of making and missing connections.
If you happen to flip through the free newspaper in a local coffee shop, you might come across the Missed Connections section. These small personal ads range from the modestly hopeful to the cringe-inducingly awful all because someone noticed an intriguing other but was too shy or too distracted to seize the opportunity and engage in the moment. Some other missed connections come to mind. Think – weather-delayed flights and impromptu sleepovers in an airport lounge or nearby hotel while you wait for another option and hopefully make it to wherever you were going in time.
I find the flipside of this topic more intriguing. The act of deliberately making connections. It is almost always within reach if you stretch beyond your comfort zone and get intentional about it. By definition, intentional is no more complicated than simply acting on purpose – being deliberate. Every day offers endless opportunities to make purposeful connections. Taking an extra beat to make the moment in front of you come alive with intention.
My recent Collective Conversations guest, Gary Gregory calls them transformational moments versus transactional ones. (His anecdote about his father washing the dishes is worth the listen alone!) Saying “Have a nice day” to the grocery clerk is often so rote that it loses its meaning. But stopping, calling them by name, and genuinely asking, “How are you? Thank you for the care you take in your work. I hope you have a good day.” It takes six seconds longer but acknowledges the human behind the task and hopefully leaves the clerk feeling seen and appreciated for their often thankless, or even invisible, work. The clerk spends hours of their life in our service. You have the power to deliberately engage with gratitude and recognition that the work matters.
Similarly, when our team members walk the property and engage with residents sincerely and deliberately, the benefits are hard to quantify but you can bet they are worth more than the time spent. When residents feel seen, heard, and appreciated, the payback comes in the form of reputation and retention. Phones down. Eyes up. There is a world of opportunities for connection just waiting for you to deliberately engage.
Leaders set the standard for connecting the dots. One of the biggest missed connections is in the failure to give the why behind the what. No involvement = no commitment. Giving out a list of to-dos or setting a stretch goal without fully explaining the purpose behind the request is a huge, missed opportunity. Team members work smarter and harder for an agenda they understand, contribute to, and believe in. Without purpose, work devolves into an uninspiring grind.
How much discretionary effort would you put into something that you didn’t believe in or understand? See what I mean? That is a missed connection that no business can afford, and it costs nothing but intentional action to fix.
What are your missed connections stories? I invite you to share them below.
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Change Your Mindset. Change Everything
A colleague shared a story with me recently that spoke to the benefit of a simple change of mindset. Her young daughter was shy, a little awkward, and really struggled in elementary school. The little girl found it hard to make friends and often came home looking downcast. With all the love in a mother’s heart, she wrapped her daughter up in a warm hug and asked, “What’s wrong honey? Did you have a bad day?” Some version of this same event played out again and again.
Over time, the mother realized that she was feeding into her daughter the practice of labeling a whole day as bad based on a few poor experiences. Determined to shift the perspective, the mother changed the narrative. Every night at dinner she asked each of her children, “What were the lows and highs of your day?” The difficulties didn’t magically disappear, but they learned together to acknowledge the low notes then move on to consider the good. Without even realizing it, not only did dinners end on a better note, but the whole family began to tag the highs, unexpected moments, and joyful experiences throughout the day eager to share them every night.
The mother in this story was on to something that I think we can translate into our industry and take the concept a few steps forward. What if we moved beyond focusing just on what went right or wrong about the day, week, month, or year, and instead noted the unexpected? And from there, what if we moved on to the practice of intentionally creating moments that surprise and delight?
What might our culture become if we engaged every day with the intent to generate joyful experiences? We are hardly first to the concept of ‘surprise & delight’ with respect to our customers. Forbes recently published an article on that subject in which they offer 15 ideas for deepening customer relationships through the unexpected.
My philosophy is Team Member First – Always. I believe that if we pour love, respect, encouragement, and moments of unexpected cheer into our team members, they in turn will deliver on and exceed our brand promises to our customers. Thus, the ‘surprise and delight’ movement starts internally. I encourage you to consider how you might shift your mindset, policies, disciplines, or routines to generate surprisingly engaging moments that influence your team members’ behavior. This TikTok user explains how they include an S&D line item in their budget, and he even gave a shout-out to a personal favorite of mine, Gary Vaynerchuk. While this TikTok video is customer-centric, I love the practice of having Surprise & Delight as a budget line item to benefit team members and customers.
Joy-filled team members create joyful customer experiences. A simple change of mindset that changes everything.
What are your surprise and delight stories? I encourage you to share them below.
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Agreeing to Agree
Conflict is an inevitable part of the human experience. The term ‘agree to disagree’ is so common that it has become part of the lexicon. You can actually find its definition in Mirriam-Webster. Essentially, it boils down to – we are never going to come to an agreement on this topic so let’s move on. I propose that there may be a much more valuable resolution.
Agreeing to agree. It’s not quite as simple as it sounds, and it doesn’t require one party to ignore their inner core beliefs in deference to someone else. In fact – it is far from simple.
The practice of agreeing to agree starts well before the conflict. It begins with doing the work to develop deep relationships. Investing your most precious resource – your time – in the people around you. This goes well beyond the task list and gets to the work of learning to know each other as fully present and fallible humans. It is inevitable that you won’t see eye to eye on everything – not unlike the experiences you have with your family and loved ones.
You and someone you have spent hours developing a genuine relationship with will at some point experience deeply divided opinions. Call it – relationship dissonance. When that happens, it is easy to become entrenched as each person fights their corner, refusing to budge, convinced of the superiority of their position. Truthfully, that is often our default position – we are hard-wired that way. Temperatures rise, tempers can flare (or simmer) and you have the makings of a typical ‘agree to disagree’ situation just to keep the peace.
But deep relationships invite honest communication. Both people can share their true perspectives without watering them down. Then the agreeing to agree begins. We begin to ask ourselves some important questions. What is it that we really want? What do we agree is our goal? What do our perspectives have in common? What can we agree that we agree on?
The disagreement can be over anything – small to profound. There are countless topics we negotiate on any given day. But a small change of mindset from “winning the argument” to finding a path to “what do we agree on” is key to better outcomes and stronger relationships.
It is vital that we have people in our lives who challenge our opinions. Surrounding yourself with people who are afraid to tell you no or to offer an opposing view is a fast track to mediocrity. Engaging in respectful debate with people who are genuinely invested in your betterment pays dividends beyond just professional and personal success.
Developing deep relationships with honest communication is good for all of us.
I think we can agree on that.
Start Spreading the News
A glance at the news this week is quickly overwhelming. For the first time ever, federal officials declared a water shortage at Lake Mead, a water reservoir located on the Colorado River. The Taliban seized control of Kabul, the capital of Afghanistan with a population of about five million people. The US reported more than 900,000 COVID-19 cases last week, bringing the US total to more than 36.8 million cases and 622,058 deaths. Haiti was hit by 7.2-magnitude earthquake with more than 1400 deaths thus far. Wildfires ravage California and Utah as thousands are forced to evacuate. In the face of so many major events, what is a well-intentioned person to do?
It is easy to feel helpless with so many catastrophic events piled one on top of the other, breathtaking in their speed and enormity. The innate desire to alleviate human suffering is part of our humanity. Decision paralysis often occurs in the face of too many options. We can begin to feel that our small contributions aren’t likely to make any impact on such monumental problems. There are some steps we can take to manage feelings about these events and to help us prioritize when and where to give our time and resources.
The first is simple and difficult – regulate your consumption of media. In the not so distant past, the timing of major news was controlled by the television schedule. Today it is up to the individual to create real boundaries about when, how, and in what ways to consume news. Continuously checking your device for updates throughout the day doesn’t materially change the catastrophic event, but it fuels your feelings in a way that can cause more harm than good.
Making financial contributions is one way to influence better outcomes for people in need. Every social media thread is populated with requests to donate to countless charities from small community events to large international relief funds. Some are personal calls to help support a cause close to home while others are far-ranging but equally compelling. Some needs are immediate others are long-term. Where does a big-hearted human start? Check in with charity recommenders such as GiveWell or Charity Navigator to learn more about each organization, what percentage of your contribution goes to direct relief vs administrative overhead, etc. Decide on your priorities for charitable giving and choose organizations that align with them. Maybe consider giving money directly to those in need when you feel compelled to do so.
What does all this have to do with the world of Multifamily Collective? People are at the heart of what we do. Our team members, our residents, and our leaders each carry around their own strong feelings related to the many needs around us. It is easy to succumb to it all, but a little perspective and distraction goes a long way.
With all the heaviness around the world, I feel especially struck by an old favorite of mine: The Guest House by Rumi.
This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.
A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.
Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they are a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still, treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.
The dark thought, the shame, the malice.
meet them at the door laughing and invite them in.
Be grateful for whatever comes.
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.
My final encouragement today is that you give generously to others and also to yourselves that you may have some fuel yet left in your tank to give another day.
2FA – Who We Say We Are
As we approach the twentieth anniversary of 9/11, it is impossible to overstate one event’s changes in terms of security. Remember the days when you could meet a traveler at the gate? When there was no 3oz limit or quart size Ziploc bag as part of the airport process? Me, too.
The marriage of security and technology has upped the ante even further. Passwords, thumbprint, facial recognition – it all seems like we might be living in a rather mundane James Bond film – minus the Bond guy, of course. For every new layer of security, bad actors are seeking out ways to undermine them. Enter two-factor (2FA) or multi-factor (MFA) authentication methods. Designed to grant access to a website or application only after the user successfully presents two or more pieces of evidence (factors) to an authentication mechanism – proving that we are who we say we are. For example: Want to log in to your bank account? You will need your password, followed by a one-time code sent to your cell phone or email. This extra layer protects your info even if someone has managed to steal your password. Annoying? Sometimes. Necessary? Increasingly so.
Beyond technological security, two-factor authentication brings to my mind who we are as individuals and the unique work we produce. Every team member comes equipped with their specific knowledge, experience, and training coupled with their character, ambition, and commitment. As businesses, we are responsible for creating environments that support the people who offer their labor to pursue our business venture. These two authentication factors represent the self and the work. When these two factors are in alignment – when we as individuals and as organizations are who we say we are – then the result of our labor is a better outcome for our customers, partners, and each other.
We have a calling to ask the same question of ourselves as individuals and as leaders – Are we who we say we are?