Search Results for: vulnerable
Be Human
Photo by Andriyko Podilnyk on Unsplash
In a world that is becoming increasingly digital, it’s easy to forget that what truly matters is being human. In a digital landscape where technology has become our primary means of communication, it’s more important than ever to remain grounded in our humanity. We often hear about the importance of being authentic, forging human connections, and communicating with empathy, but why are these qualities so crucial, and how can we cultivate them in our daily lives?
Being authentic means being true to yourself and your values. It’s about being genuine and honest in your interactions with others. In a world where so much of our communication is facilitated through email, text messages, DMs, and IMs presenting a carefully curated version of ourselves is easy. However, this can ultimately lead to feelings of isolation and disconnection. To foster meaningful connections, being vulnerable and showing your true self is important. Authenticity allows others to connect with us on a deeper level, which can lead to stronger relationships.
Human connection is another key aspect of being human. Social media and other communication technologies make it easy to feel connected. However, these connections can often be superficial and lacking in depth. To foster true human connections, it’s important to prioritize face-to-face interactions and spend quality time with the people we care about. Whether it’s through shared experiences or deep conversations, meaningful connections can help us feel more fulfilled and happy.
Empathy is another crucial quality for building relationships. It’s easy to misinterpret tone or intent when communicating online, leading to misunderstandings and hurt feelings. By practicing empathy in our communication, we can better understand the perspectives and feelings of others, leading to more effective and meaningful interactions.
Ultimately, being human means fostering meaningful connections, communicating authentically, and practicing empathy. By prioritizing these qualities, we can create more fulfilling and satisfying relationships.
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All The Lonely People
Look at all the lonely people, where do they all come from? Eleanor Rigby’s sad tale was immortalized in the famous Beatles medley. Eleanor was lonely – but she was far from alone. Loneliness was a problem long before the pandemic. It’s a bigger one now. Leadership is a position of hallowed trust in service of others. As such, it is our responsibility to act mindfully and intentionally to help bridge the literal and metaphorical gap.
Former surgeon general of the United States, Dr. Vivek Murthy writes about loneliness as a public health concern in his book, Together: The Healing Power of Human Connection in a Sometimes Lonely World He writes about the anecdotes shared by the people he encountered in his work across the country. Beneath their stories of addiction, violence, depression, and anxiety lived a common thread of loneliness. Dr. Murthy says that when he spoke to groups, he would touch on the topic of loneliness very briefly but afterward, it was the only thing people wanted to talk about.
Owner Of A Lonely Heart
A brief web search quickly reveals longstanding concerns about the widespread problem of loneliness. The actual number of adults affected by loneliness is hard to quantify but Dr. Murthy estimates it to be at least 20% based on survey responses. Covid has certainly made the number higher. Why does it matter? Loneliness is more than a feeling. When people experience extended loneliness, it has an impact on their health and can even shorten lifespans.
Adolescents, a demographic that often struggled with loneliness pre-pandemic, are affected more profoundly. Coming of age in an era where traditional peer-to-peer experiences are stunted by pandemic-related restrictions increases the feeling of isolation. Prolonged or profound loneliness is having a detrimental effect on emotional and psychological wellbeing.
Only The Lonely
At the root of loneliness is the fraying of social connectivity. When it comes to an organization’s culture, it is our responsibility to design systems where people are connected and empowered to feel active, participatory and heard. Human-to-human interaction is necessary to create and sustain authentic relationships.
The current work from home model can provide many benefits to the individual team members who work remotely. Gaining back hours every week that were previously devoted to commuting often tops the list. But video conference calls with multiple faces on the screen aren’t a replacement for one on one or small group conversations. Since the beginning of the pandemic two years ago, brief chats around the coffee station and similar work-life touchpoints have dissolved, taking with them the casual connectivity with workmates.
People Who Need People
I believe that many companies will evolve back to a hybrid model that combines remote and common space/corporate work in a way that responsibly connects teams around shared work and camaraderie. Periodic in-person sessions build and strengthen relationships and lay the foundation for healthier remote connections.
It can be uncomfortable to admit to feeling lonely. It feels vulnerable to say it but when we normalize talking about feelings, we give permission for others to share, and in those experiences that are common to us all we find support and solidarity.
I encourage you to get intentional about engaging and connecting team members across your organization. Build it into your calendar. We discussed this topic last year along with some tips for getting started.
What things have you incorporated into your practices and systems the improve social connectivity? Share them with us below!
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Mirror Mirror
Photo by Fares Hamouche on Unsplash
Have you listened to our episode of Collective Conversations last week featuring Rommel Anacan? If not, I encourage you to check it out because this was an interview filled with pearls of relationship wisdom. Rommel is passionate about helping people win in relationships and in life.
He spoke about the cultural pervasiveness of sarcasm or snark and how those behaviors are perceived as a good thing on social media and even in person. It’s true – what began as fodder for comedians is now often weaponized as posts and comments vie to outwit all prior commenters, seizing “likes” as prizes that validate the writer’s rapier wit. Then Rommel said something that was so powerful in its truth. “Sarcasm is a relational killer.”
That statement is worth a pause. Take a moment and embrace the honesty of those words.
Another form or purpose behind sarcasm is found in self-deprecating statements. People who make those comments often have an internal message center that says something like “I will make the joke about my weakness, body size, past failures, and mistakes so that I say it first. No one can hurt me if I make the joke before they can.” Inside that dark humor lies a bundle of genuine vulnerabilities.
Turn the Mirror Around
When seeking to craft honest connections that benefit everyone involved, it is essential to develop the skills to create and hold safe spaces in those relationships. Before you run headlong into an attempt to force psychological safety, I encourage you to stop and turn the mirror around and do the deep character work within yourself. Carl Jung is quoted as saying “Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.” There is truth in that statement. I remember being young and arguing with a sibling, only to hear an adult say, “You two don’t get along because you’re just alike.” – a homestyle version of Jung’s quote that I was to hear many more times before I was grown.
Part of that critical self-assessment includes some honest reflection with questions like these:
- What impact does my behavior have on others? People are generally quick to tell someone in a leadership position all the good things but rarely wade into problematic areas.
- Am I actively working to create a safe space? Am I intentional about it?
- What are my blind spots? Even the most self-aware among us have behaviors or catchphrases that fail to serve the people we interact with. It may sound innocuous in your head, but if it causes discomfort to others, then it damages relationship and interpersonal safety.
- Do I invite people to give me candid and even uncomfortable feedback?
- In what ways do I undermine the thing I say I want/believe?
Safe Spaces
Some of the most effective safe spaces start with vulnerable honesty. When a leader says, “The most important work we will do today is to create an environment where everyone feels heard and safe and where we gift each other with our honest and caring feedback. When I do or say something that puts your trust at risk, I ask you to please speak up. I need to learn from those blind spots, and I am humbly asking you to help me.” Modeling what it looks like when someone calls you out and how you react to it is powerful. People trust what they see far more than what they hear.
The honor of leading a team comes with so much more than an impressive title. It brings the responsibility to genuinely recognize the whole human in your care. Educate yourself about the many ways to create safe spaces that protect the sanctity of your relationships and ensure that everyone feels valued and respected.
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Lenox Hill Docuseries
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Speed Dating for Talent
Just over a decade ago, I wrote this post about the need for savvy operators to build brand loyalty with their residents because of the impact the great recession would have on apartment occupancy. Today’s battle for market share is all about talent. Companies are fighting to fill the holes in their teams with the best available people. Facing a tight employment market where recruiting is becoming more difficult, it is time to fine-tune your culture. When everything else is the same – wages, benefits, etc. – culture is the tiebreaker. Smart job seekers know this, and it is critical that your culture stands out. Be vigilant about course-correcting any cultural dissonance. Your existing team and your future team are holding you accountable for it.
Swipe Right for Culture
Now is the time for innovations in recruitment and hiring. Potential candidates speed date through the endless options for employment and if you want to be the company that causes them to swipe right, you need to think in terms of the team member experience and how you ensure that your company lives up to the hype.
Zero to Ten – Where is your pain level?
Every company has some form of financial review process. It is an important measure of business health. I encourage you to add a cultural review to your routine. Ask good questions. Listen thoughtfully to responses. What is the story behind the story? Where are the cultural pain points and what can you do to relieve them? What is the temperature of your current team members? How connected are they to your culture?
Gut Check
The current employment market is not a call to hire whoever you can get. Top talent is still available and those are the people you want to attract. Avoid the panic hire – the one that you knew in your gut wasn’t the right fit for the position or the company. That path leads to an inevitable painful exit which further tarnishes the opportunity for brand loyalty. It isn’t fair to anyone and shakes the confidence of your team.
Passion Play
I don’t have a magic wand to produce key talent in this unusual market. But I do know that it is my job to ensure that our culture is healthy. It is the sort of work that is harder to quantify but it pays the biggest dividends in the end. My parents’ generation favored the stability of lifelong careers at one company. Workers today are less afraid of uncertainty and want to do work that feeds their spirits and their bank accounts. Passion is the name of the game. You don’t have to change everything about your culture, but you do need your company to be who you say you are.
What are you doing to ensure your culture delivers on your brand promises?